Faith, Miracles & Maharajji

I am reading Love Everyone by Parvati Markus.  It is a compilation of people’s stories of their experience with Neem Karoli Baba (Marharajji).  He is revered as a saint in India and for many Westerns in the late 60’s he was their guru (and still is).  Krishna Das, Ram Das and many more.  In reading the stories of so many people’s extraordinary, light filled experience with Marharajji in Parvati’s book you may question, really? Was he really that incredible?  I know I did. I don’t doubt Mother Teresa. I grew up Catholic and there is familiarity and honestly, she didn’t have the same LSD stoner-followers that he had.
 
And in general I have serious doubts today. I am at this crossroad.  I got yet another email about this ‘situation’ and I am just really tired of struggling and am also feeling incredibly stuck right now.  I feel that things aren’t in my control and that there is a crumbling of sorts. The tower card.  The face of Kali.  Pluto in my chart.  I am jaded and cynical and sick of fighting things I shouldn’t have to fight. Not my fault.
 
I ask the otherside, Why?  I actually talk to them like it is the most normal thing in the world and I have no doubt that I am being listened to. I walk into my den and pull two cards both the Positive Expectation and Miracle Healing ones and still I am not appeased.  I say “Enough!  I am done.  I am done with you throwing things at me.  Done.  Do you hear me?!” And they are listening.
 
And then I see Marharajji and he say something sweet to me, he says "now do you believe in me?"  And I giggle as there is no doubting this sweet presence or is there? Is that really he?  When you are feeling disillusioned it is hard to be pulled out of it sometimes. You just want to wallow and feel out-of-sorts and dark.  And we question things anyway when they are extra-ordinary.
 
Then I tune in to my computer and music is playing and the song switched to one of Krishna Das’s.  ‘Ok.  This is a funny coincidence.  Sure, listening to one of Krishna Das’s podcast a few weeks ago was what prompted me to get this book on Marharajji but I have a ton of KD music on my playlists.  I tell myself that it is just random that he came on and Marharajji is his guru. 

But then his song finishes and a podcast of Wayne Dyer starts to play and he is saying “if you want to make God laugh then tell him your plans.” That everything that happens to us leads us to our purpose of why we are here.  That he was in an orphanage and this experience taught him how to be self-reliant.  “Do kids bemoan waking up each day and saying ‘why do I have to be in this orphanage??’  No they go about their business of taking care of themselves and living their life.”  He tells us that this is what he did and this experience has led him to being the inspirational teacher that he is. That all things that happen to us have significance for why we are here and what we are supposed to do. Everything leads up to the next thing.

Ok, I get it.  I am with you but for today this doesn’t help me much. 

These are my thoughts as I half tune in and in that exact moment the music switches mid talk and then I am awed.

Wow. Ok. I look out  and see his smiling face and he is saying 'it’s ok to be dark today' and in that moment I am not dark, I am grateful and at peace. 

(These are the lyrics to the song that cut in...)
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shaniatwain/up.html