Christian and Bethany emailed the group separately to say that they wouldn't be here today.  It was just Shanti and her husband, Santosha, Judy and me.  

Christian had asked either Shanti or Santosha to lead us given their years of experience with this practice.  There was small talk before we started that mainly focused on what's happening with the new presidential administration. I commented that meditation is needed more than ever to raise our vibrations.

Shanti forgot to take her shoes off and she complemented Santosha for remembering to do this.  He shrugged his shoulders and kind of stared at her like she should be able to remember this.  She also forgot to take off her sunglasses which got us all smiling. He was firm with her when she started to make critical statements about the guards in the prison where he works.  He tersely said, "Don't start."  She looked impishly at him as  I suggested we close our eyes. 

At first I worried that Shanti, who was leading us was going to talk too much.  She seemed in her head when we started, but she fell into the meditation quickly and when she did, her prompts were perfect. I went deeply into my third eye listening to her soft, melodious voice and also fell into the comfort of the long expanses of silence.  I found that I was spiraling back into my eye at rapid, dizzying speeds.  My right hip was aching and my foot was asleep but I was determined to remain very still as I knew that moving would not only affect me but also our small group.

I saw lots of ants at my heart center and thought of what they represent to the Native Americans, patience.  A bit later, when Shanti directed us above our crown chakra, I saw myself hovering with the rest of our small group, then saw the other members of our group not present with us today and then this vision of the expanded ClairVision Community throughout the world.  I saw a crystallized version of all of us made of white quartz.  Then I looked down into my lower self and saw another version of me with a broken hip and heard a voice (Samuels?) saying, "Stay here. You can't help her."  Like I was somehow separate from my higher, spiritual self.  I wanted this image below to be healed, merged or to go away.

I shared this after the meditation and Shanti said that Samel tells a story about an ant with a broken leg and how we can't help him.  "It is just a broken leg." He would say. Also she talked about crystals and their meaning.  I was little freaked out when she mentioned ants, a broken limb and crystals, all things I had seen today. Shanti also talked about the significance of meditation and how it prepares us for the next phase of existence once the body is no longer here.  We meditate to prepare us for death. 

For some reason I thought of one of my patients who died a few years ago by falling to their death breaking their hip and how I couldn't save them.  Although maybe it had to do with me.

I find it all dizzying trying to figure out the meaning .  I do know that I would like to hear the podcast where Samuel talks about the ant, its broken leg and the story around this.  Maybe then I will have some answers.  More likely though, it will just leave me with questions... 
​
Ants in your dream are the omen of hard work, rewarded effort, honor, gain, and a financially good situation. http://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/ants​

Today's practice started without any small talk just dropping into our heart envelop the seven of us.  I got really anxious at the start of the practice thinking that I forgot to turn off the oven the night before and that I left it on through the night. I tried to reassure myself that this couldn't be so. Didn't I wipe down the outer oven today and wouldn't it have been hot if it had been left on?  

I stepped back observing my sympathetic nervous system's response to what was happening as I was freaking out at the same time that I was trying to settle in. The reason why( in part) I had this somewhat irrational worry was because indeed a few weeks before I had left a candle burning and when I got to meditation I remembered this and had to leave abruptly to go blow it out.  Too the flight/flight activation was in memory of a house fire that I lived through.  A malfunction in a toaster that burned our kitchen so badly back in 2001 that we had to leave our home that day.  We never did return to the house as we moved shortly after and went from temporary housing to a new home. It was quite traumatic and given my carelessness a few weeks before, especially triggering today. 

Christian must have been feeling the unrest in the room because he asked us to connect with others at their heart envelop, and after I did this I was able to quiet my mind and body and sit in the awareness of my third eye.  I saw images of a rat and I really don't like rats (who does?!).  I tried not to run from the image and wondered what it meant.  I also saw an acorn at my throat chakra and later the Goddess Kali-the Indian Goddess of rebirth, death and destruction was there as were all these snakes around her when I open the 'treasure box'.  One of them started to eat the rat and I though this makes sense as rats are food for snakes.   

I remembered a friend who had put something about the inauguration on FB inviting in Goddess Kali and how angry I was that she would do this.  Doesn't she know that Kali is laughing?  Doesn't she know that Kali never works with how we intend her to but at her whim.  (Thy Will not ours. ) (Why didn't she call forth Lakshmi the Goodess of good fortune I wanted to post this reply but didn't. Oh well....I shouldn't demonize Kali rather see her as the deity that's purpose is to sweep out the old to allow in for the new--like the tornados that recently touched down and the fire that occurred for me 16 years ago.)  

​Right after the seated practice we were asked to lie down for a 'night practice' and after a sweeping body scan and a count down in the breath starting at 21, we were asked to recall visions from our day by the narrator.  I recalled a dream I had the night before and remember now from Samuel's CV book that the third eye is the vessel for memories that we can use to access them. 

Late in the day, I went to yoga and there was a sub who played this talk during savasana on Grace.  It was about baptism and how through forgiveness and love then Grace can be found through the Christian tradition and in Hinduism, how this is done with the Goddesses, and finding the highest Self,  called Atman.  I likened the fragments within the self in psychology to the Trinity and the Goddesses.  Not something external but dimensions of our oneness that we are working to integrate. Maybe even Goddess Kali with her ruthless swoop can be seen as just a part of all of us that is trying to be illuminated from the darkness within.

 Your rat dream may be a sign to hang in there. Keep trying—don't give up. In the end, you will be successful.
https://exemplore.com/dreams/Rat-Dream-Meanings-Dreaming-About-Rats-Rat-Dream-Interpretations-Dream-Interpretations

An acorn represents that situations are going to get better in your life and that you are going to grow spiritually.  http://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/acorn

• A snake is a symbol of the unconscious
• Snakes or serpents indicate you’re in the process of healing and resolving issues
• The snake is a symbol for an untamed part of yourself or an untapped resource
• Snakes could represent your intuition or spiritual aspects of yourself; your instinctual drive, what moves you from the depths of your soul
• Snakes or serpents tend to show up in dreams in times of transition and transformation  
• From the classic Freudian perspective, a snake or serpent is a phallic symbol http://www.snakedreams.org/snake-dream/

​It was nice to get back to the meditation group.  The last few weeks I have missed for various reasons that left me canceling at the last minute and leaving the group abruptly.
 
Today’s group had 10 of us including a new member Victoria, a friendly but serious woman who hadn’t been to the group before. 
 
After a round of introduction for the new woman and for Mary as she hadn’t been to the group in awhile, we settled in for a 30 minute sit that Christian led through short prompts. My upper back had a twinge the whole time in my right thoracic area which was a mild distraction and I wished to be planted up against the wall that was just out of reach behind me.  I stayed very still though with my finger tips touching each other under the blanket on my lap.  My fingers were so still that midway in they lost feeling as parts of themselves and felt conjoined as one.
 
My mind was distracted with the upcoming crisis appointment with a client I had on my schedule following the meditation group and another situation in my life that I am grappling with which will start to come full circle this week.  It was an odd feeling sitting there feeling so utterly calm and relaxed yet edgy and tense at the same time.  I am not sure what I can compare it to, but it is a feeling that I have experienced before.
 
I still don’t like the friction breath.  Well I should say I usually don’t like the friction breath but that is another story.  I find it distracting from being in my third eye but I have gotten better with staying with it.  I saw a monkey at first and then a banana and other images that came through. Then I started to see and taste foods and it was as if I was eating them.  A lemon that was sour and cake batter that I was licking from a spoon. 

I remembered a dream I had the night before of a woman doing a backflip from high above on a ledge as another person and I watched from below as she landed hard on the ground and broke her leg in front of us.  I couldn't understand why she had done this, landing on such as hard surface; I could feel a part of her pain.  I had to look away from her leg that was protruding at an odd angle.  She was in obvious pain, but handling it so well.  It seemed that she was handling it better than I was.  I remembered that in the dream it taking the longest time before the medics came and gave her an IV of something to help her.  
 
More images of food came up and their taste, a cheeseburger that I could even smell and the texture of the meat and bun on my tongue.  A cocktail that I would never have sipped in my previous drinking life and its tart and tangy flavor, and then the chocolate cake, the batter cooked.  It's flavor and texture with frosted vanilla layers in-between. 
 
At the very end of the meditation the monkey became Hanuman the monkey God who I see as synonymous to Christ and the Holy Spirit and as part of the Trinity. After seeing Hanuman, I saw Angel’s wings and knew that this situation I am working with will resolve itself and I will be protected.  That protection I feared had left, hadn’t at all.  It was just hidden behind the fog of life’s mysteries.

When we shared two other women also had visions of the Holy Spirit and another had a dream from the previous night that she had recalled.  Alice (after the second sit) had a vision of her jumping off a ledge into water and how her grandmother was there.  It was comforting for me to intuit that Alice in some way completed my dream with a happy ending of sorts.  Jumping into the mystery of water, the emotional body.
 
Christian and some of the seasoned member’s of the group before we closed, talked about mapping and finding the familiar in the landscape of this work through individual tracking of its meaning. How we track as a group also which (I liken) to archetypes representing a collective known.  When we went to the heart once again I saw a box (like a jewelry box) (this time with a dancing ballerina) with a key inside and an envelop.  I don’t remember what was in the envelop as I think back now, but I know that this envelop will be there again when I return.
 
 Meaning of the Dream:
Jumping over things as a strong feature in a dream means you will have great success in your real life endeavors. To dream that you or someone jumps off a building, suggests that you are learning about and acknowledging aspects of your inner self. This dream may also symbolize your fear of not being able to complete or succeed in a task.
If you dream about having an intravenous (I.V.) needle in your body, you strongly need to heal behaviors or attitudes that have been damaging to you. These could have come from yourself or from outside.  http://www.edreaminterpretation.org/jumping-2/
 
The most popular interpretation of a broken leg dream is that you have a feeling of not standing up for yourself. Something recent in your personal or professional life has happened and you did not have the confidence to stand up for yourself to counteract and set right this conflict. You may need to be more assertive in regards to yourself and how people treat you. Always make sure to have balance in your life and how you treat other peoplehttp://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/broken-legs-arms-bones-limbs