We started today's group once again without too much pretense after hearing about Bethany’s 10 day silent meditation retreat that she just got back from. I longed to hear more about her experience and was hanging on her every word as I leaned in towards her. Like I do when someone tells me that they have hiked the AT trail or run an ultra-marathon. I yearn to be there and savor their words and lived experience. I love to do amazing feats vicariously but often have little desire to actually do them myself. I much prefer to read or hear about them. Meditation might be something that could lure me in for a 5 or 10 day sit as it takes little physical effort in comparison to the other things I long to do but don't.
Today’s 30 minute sit left me feeling so relaxed and zen for the first 20-25 minutes of it. I had no anxiety. Not even a smidgeon and was totally into it. At least until Annette’s cell phone went off. It took me out of my reverie for a few minutes and then put me more into a state of alertness as my heart started to pound a little. Like I had let my guard down and shouldn’t have.
At one point, I decided to ask my third eye some questions that I have been grappling with and I received a stream of answers in return. I have to trust that the answers were accurately sent from my highest third eye Self even though they aren’t necessary the ones that I want to hear.
From today’s sit, I saw a former dictator of a Asian country who was responsible for millions of deaths. I am not sure if I called him forth to question him or he just showed up but when I sensed him, I asked my guides first for protection, especially Archangel Michael before moving forward. Then after feeling cloaked with protection, I asked the question of why? The dictator smiled and looked at me like I was a fool before saying with a smile, For Power. A flash of me smoking a cigarette came through and me burning my lower lip purposefully. (Why this?? I don't smoke and hate pain.) Then another one flashed of my energy being brushed off. Like someone was brushing my energetic field of debris that I have picked up along the way. (Afterwards when the group was talking outside after we had finished, Annette said that she does energy clearing for people and I wondered about this and if she every does virtual energetic brushing? Something I haven't experienced before.)
The next thing that I remember was Christian bringing us back. Back into our bodies. Later we had another discussion and someone in the group keep saying, They. And I corrected her by saying, We. There is no they at least not to me. We are They and They are We. Right? Isn’t this how it is as spiritual beings? Don’t we talk with inclusive language-ing? We have to own all of what and who we are as human. Both the shadow and the light.
As Scott Peck says in his book, People of the Lies. Evil is a projection of our own wrongness on another.
I am not sure what this all means as I write it down or even if I am right, but it has definitely left me with food for thought to keep on considering and mulling over…speaking of food for thought.. I notice today that I tend to eat a lot of sugar on meditation days. I crave it. Maybe because sugar keeps me dense and in my body. I need to look at this in future weeks and if I should give it up.
But for now I just need to allow myself to be without too much consternation and take a gentle approach to myself. I am making changes in my life and some of them are very dis-comfortable but surely they are needed or I wouldn’t be making them, right? I guess I can ask this of my third eye next week!