• Home
  • Oprah John Friend & Desi, Brene Brown and more
  • 2014, 2016, 2015 and 2012
  • A Day in the Life & Pay Attention
  • Reflections from the Past
  • Guatemala Trips
  • Springtime & Falltime
  • Yamas and Niyamas--the eastern Way of the Commandments
  • ClairVision Meditation Group
  • Interviews
  • New
  • Amy's Story
  • Juice Cleanse
yoga blog

Storytelling on and off the mat

Arrival Day

6/24/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
 "The story is to find what is missing and to bring it to consciousness again"

The lady exchanging currency in the early hours in Atlanta is originally from Trinidad and tells me "The Beaches in Tobago are the best."  She has been in the States for years leaving an abusive husband in her native country. She came here with her sister and now is happily remarried with a family.  "Good luck on your trip" she waves as I walk away.  

​After an uneventful flight I arrive at the Guate Airport and exit outside into stifling heat and smog.  We are penned in looking for our rides.  The guards try to be helpful, but there is a hunger about them that is slightly off-putting to me. Isabella is holding up a sign that I I finally spot with my name on it.  I notice I have been holding my breath and breathe a sigh of relief when I go to her.  The driver needed to go to the bathroom so she has taken over.  

I am relieved to have found the beginnings of my group and we walk to the van suitcases in tow.  Isabella has just arrived and is serious at first but then relaxes as we drive away and she starts to chat and tell me it's her birthday.  Her friend wanted to do Paris but she picked Guatemala (by herself) instead.  I look at her, 20 years my junior and see a brave girl venturing out alone. To tell her story and start to reclaim  it, maybe even rewrite it before it has fully begun.

We drive to Antigua and pick the others up as we all position ourselves in the van.  One of us is ill but very stoic.  She is sitting in the back and says she will be ok as long as she looks straight ahead.  She ate something the night before that has upset her stomach.  We drive for hours through poverty, through the hustle and bustle of a big city.  We pass many of the chicken buses that I have read about.  Old American school buses that have been fashioned to look flashy and new but are in disrepair with clothing and equipment teetering on the top.  We pass dead dogs on the side of the road and alive ones that are precariously running about.  Some of the woman are upset by the dead dogs.  "The pigs are on leashes but the dogs aren't."  One of the eldest of us says wisely that the pig have value but the dogs don't.  I am less bothered by the dogs.  This is a third world country.  The priority is of feeding people for survival.  They don't have our luxuries.  I am worried though that the driver might accidentally hit one of the dogs.  Most of the dogs are serious and intent and seem to know what they are doing as they hustle forward.  

The people in the smaller towns as we approach the lake are socializing, working and carrying things on their head.  Many are dressed in traditional garb.  There are many churches and quaint huts and buildings. The roads are in such poor shape that we have to almost hug the side of the cliff to go around them.  The bus shifts this way and that as we ascend up.  We finally get to town and exit the van.  There are young boys that greet us.  They want to help us and carry our things. What is our names?  They ask us. Many of the women ignore them but another lady and I give them attention.  She speaks Spanish to them and I give them a little money and this spurs them on to continue to follow us up the mountain.  I finally tell them in my broken Spanish that they can continue to follow us but no more dineros.  The lead boy understands and they say goodbye. (I see them in town later in the week and we make small talk once again in our broken attempt to connect to each others languages.)

The climb up is expected but arduous and a few of the woman are tired from the trip and daunted by it. They haven't made arrangement for a guide to help them.  We are all relieve to be at the top of the Forest and Aimee greets us.  She looks worried and tired.  I like her immediately. She cares and takes this work to heart.  It is obvious. Friendly to our guide and respectful.  I like this too about her.

​We open our circle in the Native American tradition of the four directions as she smudges us before we enter the temple for the first time.  We gather in our first circle and get acquainted even more.  Aimee tells us a story of how she came to do this.  How she is from a small town in the midwest but she worked in London before starting this.  How she was in advertising but being a storyteller is what she is meant to do. Her words silently remind us that we are here in part to find meaning, to find purpose to our lives.  To define our path and start to etch it in the dirt.  She tells us that she used to walk softly but now walks like she means it.  How she was on an excursion climbing up an icy mountain with shoes and equipment with a group.  How one man fell and was injured and then the guide said as he pointed to her, 'You come here or you will be next.'   "Walk like you mean it."  From that day on she has been more conscious of her footsteps..
1 Comment

Day 1 

6/23/2016

0 Comments

 
 "Ashes to Ashes...Dust to Dust"

I love it here!! I am tired but feel so incredibly zen.  At peace.  My favorite part so far is the composting toilets.  The wooden structure with the toilet seat that is lifted after use and closed off with a piece of wood. It will ferment and be soil soon.  The saw dust that we add that mutes the smell.  I can look into the toilet with my headlamp and just see saw dust and it doesn't even smell with the open aired room with its cut out at the sink providing a view as I wash my hands with ecosoap and look at into the mountain range, lake and volcano in the horizon. I bow with gratitude for this opportunity.

We are to find a rock and a flower...the flower is light in my hand and the rock contrasting in my other, weighted down and sturdy as I climb the numerous steps to the temple for Day 1.

We are to pick three cards--my cards picked:
Grief, Power and Melancholy

Grief--A letting go. A releasing that which haas past that can no longer be.  A garden with wilting flowers.  A waning moon before darkness then light.  A peace offering to the past.  A process.  Butterflies escaping through the night.

Power--Dark or light.  A choice to make.  A push verses a pull.  A place card with embers.  Power in its truest sense is finding the centerpiece within your being where there is no controlling or controller, just control.  

Melancholy--Cathartic self pity.  Remorse, repose in the muck of emotions. A song of sadness, sung that only you alone hear.  A bird with a broken wing wishing to fly but hindered by its own limitations. 

What do you want to invite in Aimee asks us later in the day...
Hmmm...I think hard and then I write..

Dear Reality, 
I invite you in.  Please come visit me here at the Yoga Forest.  Please let me see your Truth.  I am tired of living in fantasy.  Tired of pretending with my thoughts and with my life.  Sick of not being present but afraid that if I allow you in you will not be what I want to see.  This is ok. You don't have to be beautiful.  I will try to see your beauty even if it comes wrapped in ugly and raw--leaving me alone...
0 Comments

Day 2

6/23/2016

0 Comments

 
This place is like a sanctuary.  It is so beautiful and peaceful. Indescribable really.  Last night we had the chance to use the sauna.  We huddled together,a small group of us and talked in whispers as the flame was stoked.  Afterward it was so invigorating to take a cold shower.  My pores were singing as I walked the steps to my room for the night.  

Aimee reached out to us with her stealth body, she looks Jaquar esque...as she spans the circle, her eyes glow..She breathes the words...
​
"I will be worthy if:" we are to fill in the blanks...
I write...
I will be worthy if my clients get better and I help them
I will be worthy if my kids are happy
I will be worthy if my husband is happy
I will be worthy if I stay married
I will be worthy if people like me
I will be worthy if I am financially independent
I will be worthy if I am kind
I will be worthy if I make sure everyone around me is happy
I will be worthy if I stay connected to my Source
I will be worthy if I am better at directions here
I will be worthy if I am calm and content
I will be worthy if I am attractive 


Now write, she says...
​
I am worth even if:

My patient and clients don't get better and I don't help them
My kids are unhappy
My husband is unhappy 
I don't stay married
People don't like me
I am not financially independent 
I am not kind
I am not happy
I don't make sure everyone around me is happy 
I am not listening
I don't keep my connection to Source
I am not better at directions
I am not calm or content
I am not attractive..

We share...and each word read is both comforting and discomforting...

Then we are to write 30 things we like about ourselves...

My list starts:  Zest for life, versatility and the list continues...
0 Comments

Day 3

6/23/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
""The Darkest hour is just before Dawn."

​I wake up and think which temple are we supposed to be at?  Shiva?  Lakshmi? is that even the right names of the temples?  Are we at the near one or the far one?  I am scattered and confused too much time in reflection and right brain muse and digging.  Not enough sleep. Worried about tripping and falling.  Too much energy expended with others and not enough time alone.  Overwhelmed by the work and sorting out a life's worth of stuff in one week.  

I arrive late and am annoyed.  Ann had said that she would fetch me to go to group together so that I would go to the right temple.  I look at her with a mean accusingly look.  I am out of breath.  I am angry at myself.  My weakness for not being strong right now and needing another to help and disappointed that she wasn't there. Ann starts to softly cry. 

I apologize for being late but feel angry.  The group seems distant and look away. Everyone is grappling with their own stuff.  We are quiet.  I sense the resistance.  My grown-up self reminds me that this is normal.  We are half way there and power and control always happens before intimacy.  This feeling that I am having and maybe the others is normal.  I remind myself that it's ok.  Just keep going and lightness will come...

We work..We explore...we dig some more and finally laughter starts to come.  It comes from our bellies and from the ground...The work continues...

The opposite of a negation is an affirmation...

​"I don't have time to write a book"
"I have time to write a page a day"

"I am leaving in five minutes"
"I have two minutes"

"I am not being listened to"
"I really appreciate it when I am heard"

I don't want to be scattered...
I am working on mindfulness..

0 Comments

Day 4

6/23/2016

0 Comments

 
I haven't been sleeping well.  I fall asleep quickly and it's a hard sleep.  Actually harder than I sleep at home.  But I wake up at 3a and can't go back to sleep.  I lie awake because there isn't much else to do.  It's dark and there are no electronics or lights. It is a good thing this peacefulness, this stillness, but daunting not to be able to do or be distracted by my awaken-ess.  

Last night after dinner I hurried to the shower after dark.  I took the winding steps that lead to the solar shower around where the greenery, plants and foliage lay, around the chickens and goat and on the other side the hammock and little building that houses more rooms for the volunteers.  I was little nervous walking about as one of the women had seen a scorpion in the shower earlier in the day but I wanted to take a warm shower and this seemed the best time to fit it in.  

So far all of my showers have been at 5a--invigorating and cold, not soothing.  I needed a soothing one last night.  I placed my headlamp in the little carved out shelf in the shower area that is cave like.  Two bamboo made doors on either side were shut tight by a piece of wood that closed across them.  My lamp was shining so that I could see and my body was so clearly outlined on the opposite wall that I couldn't help but stare at it's silhouette.  Its movements as I washed my body and hair.  The warm water scrubbed away the day and the debris that had accumulated, for how long I am not sure.  I just know afterwards I felt happy, cleansed and refresh to begin again. 

We gather today  after a hardy breakfast of hardboiled eggs, tortillas, jam, honey and fruit with herbal tea made from pineapple stems and ginger, or blessed cups of coffee. We shuffle up to Lakshmi temple.  Lakshmi the Goddess of luck and good fortune. 

Aimee smiles at us like we are her young children or friends and in many ways we are.  She is shepherding us through our stories by asking us to write. The journey best guided by her loving care.  

She loves to quote and  I think she tells us this is from Byron Katie.
"Argue for the limitations and you can keep them."  
  
We are to write out Reflection "I", Projection "you"  I start mine..
"Life suffocates me."
"I suffocate me." and it goes from there....

Then we are asked to Reclaim our Story....I write
Because I saved my 2 year old brother from drowning,
I can see the precariousness of Life

Because I lived through multiple car accidents one in which the car ran over me,
I can have a spiritual belief in a higher power

Because my mother lived after a massive hemorrhage the day before my daughter was born, 
I believe in the preciousness of life.

Because I almost touched the burning cord of the toaster during the house fire, 
I understand the magnitude of our choices,

Because I hears so many sad incredibly sorrowful stories in my work, 
I have gratitude each day for my own life...
0 Comments

Day 5

6/22/2016

0 Comments

 
I have just had a cup of the most amazing Guatemalan coffee with goats milk.  The goat was milked this morning by Joanne one of the volunteers from Ireland and you can taste the work, the love.  The essence of the goat's contentment being here and of Joanne's sweetness. The corn tortilla homemade by Jay cranked out by the whirl of the bicycle and the homemade almond butter with dripping honey that attracted a swarm of bees buzzing. 

There is a new moon and I write my wishes:
  1. I will continue to be more mindful and listen to my intuition
  2. I will be open to new experiences
  3. I will call forth my power and leadership essence
  4. I will be open to being more authentic in my relationships 
  5. I will continue to write and publish within the year and it will do very well
  6. I will honor my inner compass on what to do next and when
  7. I will let my light shine brighter and unapologetically so
  8. I will spend more time with my family
  9. I will continue to eat healthier
  10. I will allow and expand my practice in a way that works well for me
"What we seek is seeking us."  Rumi
0 Comments

Day 6

6/22/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
"What we Ache for Aches for Us"
​
The gong has rung and we gather in a circle, our group of women as we position ourselves for the afternoon in the temple in a tight- knit circle. We have pillows, blankets, bolsters and blocks to make comfortable the hours of sitting.  It truly is like a jungle here as I look out at the trees, flowers, birds and listen to the sound of running water.  The Volcano is in the distance and Lake Atitlan.  The weather is perfect.  Not too hot or cold.  My clothes are comfortable and a tad more loose than when I got here from eating healthy, nutritional foods. This group of women is now familiar and we smile at one another as we now have come to know each other.  Our hidden and not so obvious selves.  The secrets and vulnerabilities are out, and it is refreshing to be able to show up without pretense. Aimee our facilitator enunciates her words carefully as she asks us to write. Write unhindered.  Just write...we have a card to prompt us on. 

Curiosity... I am curious about people and the psychology behind what makes people tick.  I love to watch people in yoga and pick up on their quirks and behaviors.  Of class dynamics, the individuals,themselves, the tenets the teacher puts forth and even things like what people wear. Where they put their mat.  

Do they covet their space? Do they make room for another?  What music is chosen?  How does silence affect the energy?  What is happening for me?  What are my edges and what pushes them?  

Life's nuances, the space/the pause/the hidden fascinates me and I am curious with all this.  The light/darkness as it merges into one.  I get lost in writing after something inspires me.  I write early in the day or on weekends or when the inspiration comes and often I will look up at the clock and hours have past.  I get inspired when I run and often do a life review of my day/week.  It motivates me and adds the juice that fires my soul.  

0 Comments

    Author

    Blogger, yogi ,nurse

    Archives

    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    August 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Oprah John Friend & Desi, Brene Brown and more
  • 2014, 2016, 2015 and 2012
  • A Day in the Life & Pay Attention
  • Reflections from the Past
  • Guatemala Trips
  • Springtime & Falltime
  • Yamas and Niyamas--the eastern Way of the Commandments
  • ClairVision Meditation Group
  • Interviews
  • New
  • Amy's Story
  • Juice Cleanse