""The Darkest hour is just before Dawn."
I wake up and think which temple are we supposed to be at? Shiva? Lakshmi? is that even the right names of the temples? Are we at the near one or the far one? I am scattered and confused too much time in reflection and right brain muse and digging. Not enough sleep. Worried about tripping and falling. Too much energy expended with others and not enough time alone. Overwhelmed by the work and sorting out a life's worth of stuff in one week.
I arrive late and am annoyed. Ann had said that she would fetch me to go to group together so that I would go to the right temple. I look at her with a mean accusingly look. I am out of breath. I am angry at myself. My weakness for not being strong right now and needing another to help and disappointed that she wasn't there. Ann starts to softly cry.
I apologize for being late but feel angry. The group seems distant and look away. Everyone is grappling with their own stuff. We are quiet. I sense the resistance. My grown-up self reminds me that this is normal. We are half way there and power and control always happens before intimacy. This feeling that I am having and maybe the others is normal. I remind myself that it's ok. Just keep going and lightness will come...
We work..We explore...we dig some more and finally laughter starts to come. It comes from our bellies and from the ground...The work continues...
The opposite of a negation is an affirmation...
"I don't have time to write a book"
"I have time to write a page a day"
"I am leaving in five minutes"
"I have two minutes"
"I am not being listened to"
"I really appreciate it when I am heard"
I don't want to be scattered...
I am working on mindfulness..
I wake up and think which temple are we supposed to be at? Shiva? Lakshmi? is that even the right names of the temples? Are we at the near one or the far one? I am scattered and confused too much time in reflection and right brain muse and digging. Not enough sleep. Worried about tripping and falling. Too much energy expended with others and not enough time alone. Overwhelmed by the work and sorting out a life's worth of stuff in one week.
I arrive late and am annoyed. Ann had said that she would fetch me to go to group together so that I would go to the right temple. I look at her with a mean accusingly look. I am out of breath. I am angry at myself. My weakness for not being strong right now and needing another to help and disappointed that she wasn't there. Ann starts to softly cry.
I apologize for being late but feel angry. The group seems distant and look away. Everyone is grappling with their own stuff. We are quiet. I sense the resistance. My grown-up self reminds me that this is normal. We are half way there and power and control always happens before intimacy. This feeling that I am having and maybe the others is normal. I remind myself that it's ok. Just keep going and lightness will come...
We work..We explore...we dig some more and finally laughter starts to come. It comes from our bellies and from the ground...The work continues...
The opposite of a negation is an affirmation...
"I don't have time to write a book"
"I have time to write a page a day"
"I am leaving in five minutes"
"I have two minutes"
"I am not being listened to"
"I really appreciate it when I am heard"
I don't want to be scattered...
I am working on mindfulness..
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