Oscar is sleeping on the couch. He was insecure last night and insisted that he come in our bedroom only to be kicked out mid night for snoring and waking us both up. Liam is here and was out with his friend from the Navy. They had a male bonding evening before his friend headed back to Georgia and Liam off to work.
Today I go into Bill’s office for the first time since he started his CEO job a little over a year ago. I don’t think I look the part of a CEO’s wife but somehow it must be fitting because that is what I am. We are only what we are in the moment and today I am that.
The Trek to his office started with a walk. I knew that I couldn’t walk with the cold wind at my face all the way there. Not today. So debated on the Metro or an Uber. I must admit to being a little uneasy about the Metro. I am quite claustrophobic and going into the dregs of this underground system that is in ill repair is frightening for me. I did it anyway and found that I was holding my breath as the train stopped between stops.
Apparently, the day before one of the trains broke down and it was hours before it was fixed. I looked around when we stopped abruptly for the reaction of others and was somewhat relieved that no one seemed alarmed other than an African American man who was staring at me. I am sure my face showed utter terror and I hope that he wasn’t in any way taking it personally. My fear had to do with all things around suffocation as most of my fears do. (Although I am also afraid of dizzying heights.) I breathed a sigh of relief when we exited at Bethesda, but not before taking a picture of the ascent which was required up and out of the subway station.
I got to thinking about fear and how it can be debilitating if we let it and of my clients who suffer from anxiety and panic. I got a taste, today of the expeience of pushing against fear and how powerful it still is. Something not to be belittled.
After meeting the peeps at Bills office we went to a tapas restaurant and then headed on home together in an Uber. All and all a lovely gray kind of day.
self-indulgent or excessive contemplation of oneself or a single issue, at the expense of a wider view."he lapsed into his customary navel-gazing"
(My recent fear of subways is based on reading about the King Cross fire in London)