10 years of snippets from my journals when living in Syracuse, Toledo, Chicago & Philly
5/21/96
Leaving Syracuse, NY
Dear Kris,
I had thought the group of us would grow old together here in nursing. Best wishes in your new adventures in Ohio. Know you will do well. Love Brenda
You have a gift of knowing people inside themselves. I’m sure you’ll meet many more strong and beautiful women because we are everywhere and you know how to find us.”
Peace + LOVE Mary
“Aloha Nu Loa” I will miss you more than I can articulate. I hold you in my heart. Heather
You have been an integral part of our group of strong and beautiful women. My wish for you is to find a new group of strong and beautiful women Love Sharon
The Journey Continues…
Toledo, OH
Jan 4 1997 Studying for insurance licensure exam here in Toledo. Nervous. Material is boring and difficult.
1/5/97 Went to church. Got an 86% on the insurance test. It is so cold here in Toledo! Hungry a lot. Listening to Cowboy Junkies. Hard to believe Katie will be in HS next year.
2/16/97 Looks like a move soon to Chicago. I predict in the fall.
4/3/97 Went to look at homes in Chicago.
6/8/97 Last day at work for me. Will miss working at Paramount Healthcare (in Insurance) but glad my last day has finally arrived. Went golfing. My weight is up again. Thought for the day “Letting go and allowing life to occur is often necessary.”
6/10/97 Katie pitched in softball & she did well. Liam played with friend at the game. Our 14th anniversary is tomorrow. “Guilt accomplishes nothing but lost energy.”
6/15/97 Liam tried to say goodbye to his favorite friend Zachary Dunaway but he ignored him. We went to swim at the quarry. It was fun, deep, clear and cold water. We move in four days. “Cold water is invigorating.”
Chicago, IL
6/27/97 Now in the “Suites hotel” (Embassy Suites) as Liam calls it. Will be living here in temporary housing for awhile. Am vacillating on if I should have taken the Cigna job?
August 1999 I did take the Cigna job (two years ago) and since then have worked out diligently and have dropped my body fat from 30% to under 25. I am a lifetime member at WW.
March 19 1999 Gave up alcohol for lent but drank on St. Paddy’s day with Cindy and Ken (Big mistake!) Still hungover. Went to a spin class
March 22 2001 Katie was in the newspaper for softball. Hard to believe that she is a senior. “Little dynamite in short sleeves on a March day” So proud of her.
March 2001 Today I am going to be calm not rush to the gym for step circuit. Attend body pump and yoga instead. Worry bout $ but am content at home. Loving spending time with the kids. Liam and I will hang out tonight and rented fight club. Hope I will stay up late enough to watch it.
March 2001 Cindy and Ken came to Katie’s game today and Liam brought a friend. Preparing a chocolate cake for his birthday. He’s so excited for Pokemon game.
June 2001 Cindy and Ken are moving to the Northeast. Very, very sad. Getting ready for Katie’s graduation. Imagination Day at Liam’s school. Teaching kickboxing tomorrow. Busy, Busy, Busy.
Philadelphia
November 2002 There seems like no better time to start my yoga journal than on a cool, crisp morning drinking coffee with the sun shining in. Last night I went to Penny’s yoga class with friends Mary and Dona. At the end of class I tried to work into scorpion pose from headstand and was able to for a minute. Savasana brought pangs longing for my brothers and I wished deeply that we will all be together as a family sometime soon.
11/9/02 Yoga on my own today. No time to leave as Liam is home. My breathing is ujayi during the practice. I have a cold. As I completed various poses and warmed up I noticed that I was starting to sweat and smell. I wonder if I am releasing toxins.
11/10/02 Today I went to the mall to get Liam a toy with his allowance. I saw a suede jacket that I would like. Vacillated between materialism and non materialism. Didn’t get it. Noticed how much of the time I rush Liam. Get dressed. Come eat. Let’s go. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Am going to work on PATIENCE.
11/13/02 My brother and sister in law’s baby Elena died. The cord was wrapped around her neck. The sadness is oppressive. I hope that I can visit them at Christmas and we can all be together then.
11/14/02 Astanga class today. Vigorous. She stressed breath and alignment. My breath faltered at times . I am now lying on the couch thinking about unconditional love as a fly sits perched on my jeans.
11/17/02 So sad about Elena. Talked to my Dad about it. Sad that she died around his birthday. I ask him what was his favorite birthday present when he was young. He cannot think of one. I remind him of getting his bike. “Oh yeah” “My two wheeler-that was my favorite.” Neither of us seemed surprised that I knew this even though I wasn’t born yet.
11/18/02 Chakra yoga tonight-cannot wait. (The Chakra class had chanting Lum, Lum, Lum moving from position to position with kapalabatti breath. Didn’t feel like it was anything more than a stretch class. Should I lend Penny my chakra book for the next class on the 2nd chakras?)
11/20/02 I went to Tom’s class. Requested “hard” One fellow student said she may leave if “hard and bondage” Another suggests “bondage a good idea” I was in a show off kind of mood and did handstands, headstands and wheels. Mary, Dona and “serene” Rachel looked on. Six minutes of meditation today.
11/26/02 I am teaching at LOA tonight.
12/16/02 Talked to my sister in law. She is so patient with her grief. She is working hard to make it through. Am impressed with her strength and her depth.
1/22/03 Made it through the holidays barely. Time to do some karmic yoga to give back. I have committed to volunteering at the local soup kitchen on Fridays.
1/29/03 Liam has been horrible lately. Maybe because we are leaving him home when we go on the cruise.
2/2 The Yoga Cruise. Celebrating our 20th Anniversary
Standing outside getting ready to board Costa’s Atlantic ship. People milling about with with yoga mats proudly displayed on their shoulders. Bill tucked ours safely in our bags. He seems excited. We are with Carla and Nikki from LA, Angela from Boston and Nicole from Idaho. Have a big cold sore but otherwise everything is wonderful. The room is spacious and nice. I lost $30 on blackjack. Todd Norian’s band Shakti Fusion lead us in chanting this afternoon.
Day 2 Resting in bed before the 845p dinner bell. Trying to be more mindful. This am Sean Corne’s class vinyasa flow called “women empowered” Stumbled on Rodney Yee’s class this afternoon by accident trying to find Beryl Bender Birch’s (BBB) class. New achievement for me today Marichasana C (one side) and crane to headstand back to crane. Also was able to straddle to headstand. It is neat to see “famous” yogis here. Baron Baptiste with his kids. Beryl Bender Birch is smaller than she looks in her books and has a belly. Tom was right, she looks older in person. My cold sore is still hurting and I feel unbalanced. Too much raja, food, stimuli, drinks and excitement. Am trying to calm self but it’s difficult.
Day 3 Had Shiva Rea’s class this am with Bill. Amazed by the teachers and their lack of posturing. Nicole is the most alternative in the group. She was telling us about this “lemonade” cleanse that she does every so often. I wrote it down and am going to give it a try when I get home.
Day 4 Yesterday we were at sea all day. Had Beryl Bender class we listened to her talk about how before class she meditated just looking out at the birds. She also talked about her acceptance that there is no almond milk on the cruise. (When I get home will have to check out Almond Milk.) Charles and Lisa Matkins taught us partner work, which was intense and stressful. Could have caused a divorce. I felt disconnected during the process. Bill became upset and angry afterwards.
Day 5 We went to the waterfalls today and it was beautiful and fun. Nikki loves to go to classes by a teacher named John Friend. This is what she teaches in CA, a practice called Anusara. The Kundalini teacher, Gurmok goes to her classes apparently. With Anusara there is a demo person in each class that stands in the front of the room. She was showing me some of the “loops” and heart opening techniques on the deck during our ‘free time’. It looks like a neat practice but right now not what I am into.
Day 6 Cayman Island where Bill bought me the most beautiful anniversary ring. I love it. Bill, Carla and Nikki sang “Love Shack” last night and had fun. Yesterday we pet the sting Ray. Playful creatures. Tomorrow is our last day. Yogis on the ship are incredibly nice, friendly and beautiful.
Quote by Jason Crandell “The harder you have to work the more you have to balance it with Surrender.” Lisa Matkins “In-to-me-you-c” (Intimacy)
2/22/03 Thinking about the contradictions in the sutras. Embracing them at the same time frustrated by them and their insurmountable depth. In speaking with my mom today I told her that we need America to become more of an isolation state. She said, Yeah, you always hate the benefactor who wags his ass in your face
2/24/03 Erika let me go today from Mandala of Movement. She is losing money on her business. I told her I understand and do maybe she and I both need to be students rather than teachers for awhile?
2/25/03 Starting to learn about 8 limbs of Astanga, yoga sutras which include the yama. Self restraint. Not easy for me to pronounce let alone learn. Well I have at least a lifetime…
3/23/03 BBB divorced her husband. Life is busy. I am teaching 12 yoga class next week. Rachel’s birthday. Looking forward to partying with the Wednesday group. “To know the depth and breath of goodness you need to first delve into the knowledge of sordid darkness.”
3/26/03 Dona got annoyed with me at yoga. Bill thinks b/c I was showing off in front of Tom doing yoga. I was just having fun playing in the wide open space!
4/23/03 It is not just about the Asanas. I need to meditate more lately. Dona, Rachel, Tom and I hung out and had cake and beer. Telling our stories and bonding.
4/27/03 Surprise party at Chris’s last night. Had fun and was out partying until after midnight. Liam and I went to church today. Visiting Ken and Cindy’s in NJ soon. Thinking about the kitchen fire and how devastating it was…
5/6/03 Big fight with Bill. Running a 5k in a few weeks.
5/13/03 Sad to hear that Penny is moving to Myrtle Beach. Think I knew her in another life. She thinks so too. Race and Reiki 1 this weekend. Came in 3rd place so did Judy Leslie. Time 26.11 one minute better than 5 years ago. Weezing heavily at first but re-worked my breath and calmed self down. It was a challenge. Atman was my mantra. Atman---God, God, Atman. After race went to Reiki One training. Loved it. Most fun and interesting training I have been to. Was intuitive and able to pick up stuff on my first participant in her left hip. Bad area for her. I can’t wait to learn more and do some Reiki on my family and friends. Feel like I have already been doing this for a long time. Going out with Erika tonight. Katie is working and Liam and Bill are at a campout. (Elena we love you. Think of you sometimes. You are in my heart.)
5/30/03 Have been practicing some Reiki on family and also Ginny a nurse that I volunteer with at Manna, the soup kitchen. Profound experience with Ginny. Flashes of bright lights. She became very hot. Felt like she was going to faint. Dreams nothing special some about houses-one a drowning in a car-Bill, Liam and I went off the road in a rain storm. (Premonitory dream? In 2015 Liam called us in a panic. He and his girlfriend were in a terrible storm/flash flood in which their car was filling up with water. They needed to pull off the road and make a quick exit. The call went dead before we knew that they were ok. )
7/1/03 Katie’s back in college to be an orientation leader. Her friend Stacy visited this summer and I did Reiki on her and said her life would be less busy and more settled than Katie’s someday. She said I seem happier (in Philly) than I was when we lived in Chicago. Dreaming of snakes lately…poisonous ones.
7/30/03 Penny’s goodbye party. Kim did Reiki on me and Bill was jealous. Eventually would like to go vegetarian, cut down on sugar, alcohol , eat less and be lighter…
8/4/03 Fasting. Don’t like the vegetable juices. I have a HA. Bill is starting to really like yoga too. (I have done scorpion pose without the wall a few times.)
8/8/03 At Phoenix Rising training. My roommate Tobey and I have a lot in common. We joke that we are twins. The third day of the training was intense. Had my own release. Cried, sobbed and laughed. Karin from London told me to set an intention. …
2/3/04 Hard class trying to figure out why I don’t like locust pose. What comes up is pride, suffocation and mild fear, maybe irritation too!
8/31/04 Liam is hanging out at our pool with Liz’s son. In 10 years I will read this and say oh yeah-Liz-I remember her. I will be long gone from here.
6/10/05 Iris, Jack’s new girlfriend tells me my life as it is will change, be different, not bad. I commented that I see bad coming. Yes, just different. How though I think?
6/30/05 At some point you have to go back and finish what you started. Maybe it is 5 years old or maybe it preceded birth but you have to take off the layers and go back to your essence. Maybe that is what mid life is all about?
8/6/05 Originally was going to Stuart’s class but left when I saw that Kilkenny was teaching. Not very yoga-ish of me.
5/21/96
Leaving Syracuse, NY
Dear Kris,
I had thought the group of us would grow old together here in nursing. Best wishes in your new adventures in Ohio. Know you will do well. Love Brenda
You have a gift of knowing people inside themselves. I’m sure you’ll meet many more strong and beautiful women because we are everywhere and you know how to find us.”
Peace + LOVE Mary
“Aloha Nu Loa” I will miss you more than I can articulate. I hold you in my heart. Heather
You have been an integral part of our group of strong and beautiful women. My wish for you is to find a new group of strong and beautiful women Love Sharon
The Journey Continues…
Toledo, OH
Jan 4 1997 Studying for insurance licensure exam here in Toledo. Nervous. Material is boring and difficult.
1/5/97 Went to church. Got an 86% on the insurance test. It is so cold here in Toledo! Hungry a lot. Listening to Cowboy Junkies. Hard to believe Katie will be in HS next year.
2/16/97 Looks like a move soon to Chicago. I predict in the fall.
4/3/97 Went to look at homes in Chicago.
6/8/97 Last day at work for me. Will miss working at Paramount Healthcare (in Insurance) but glad my last day has finally arrived. Went golfing. My weight is up again. Thought for the day “Letting go and allowing life to occur is often necessary.”
6/10/97 Katie pitched in softball & she did well. Liam played with friend at the game. Our 14th anniversary is tomorrow. “Guilt accomplishes nothing but lost energy.”
6/15/97 Liam tried to say goodbye to his favorite friend Zachary Dunaway but he ignored him. We went to swim at the quarry. It was fun, deep, clear and cold water. We move in four days. “Cold water is invigorating.”
Chicago, IL
6/27/97 Now in the “Suites hotel” (Embassy Suites) as Liam calls it. Will be living here in temporary housing for awhile. Am vacillating on if I should have taken the Cigna job?
August 1999 I did take the Cigna job (two years ago) and since then have worked out diligently and have dropped my body fat from 30% to under 25. I am a lifetime member at WW.
March 19 1999 Gave up alcohol for lent but drank on St. Paddy’s day with Cindy and Ken (Big mistake!) Still hungover. Went to a spin class
March 22 2001 Katie was in the newspaper for softball. Hard to believe that she is a senior. “Little dynamite in short sleeves on a March day” So proud of her.
March 2001 Today I am going to be calm not rush to the gym for step circuit. Attend body pump and yoga instead. Worry bout $ but am content at home. Loving spending time with the kids. Liam and I will hang out tonight and rented fight club. Hope I will stay up late enough to watch it.
March 2001 Cindy and Ken came to Katie’s game today and Liam brought a friend. Preparing a chocolate cake for his birthday. He’s so excited for Pokemon game.
June 2001 Cindy and Ken are moving to the Northeast. Very, very sad. Getting ready for Katie’s graduation. Imagination Day at Liam’s school. Teaching kickboxing tomorrow. Busy, Busy, Busy.
Philadelphia
November 2002 There seems like no better time to start my yoga journal than on a cool, crisp morning drinking coffee with the sun shining in. Last night I went to Penny’s yoga class with friends Mary and Dona. At the end of class I tried to work into scorpion pose from headstand and was able to for a minute. Savasana brought pangs longing for my brothers and I wished deeply that we will all be together as a family sometime soon.
11/9/02 Yoga on my own today. No time to leave as Liam is home. My breathing is ujayi during the practice. I have a cold. As I completed various poses and warmed up I noticed that I was starting to sweat and smell. I wonder if I am releasing toxins.
11/10/02 Today I went to the mall to get Liam a toy with his allowance. I saw a suede jacket that I would like. Vacillated between materialism and non materialism. Didn’t get it. Noticed how much of the time I rush Liam. Get dressed. Come eat. Let’s go. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Am going to work on PATIENCE.
11/13/02 My brother and sister in law’s baby Elena died. The cord was wrapped around her neck. The sadness is oppressive. I hope that I can visit them at Christmas and we can all be together then.
11/14/02 Astanga class today. Vigorous. She stressed breath and alignment. My breath faltered at times . I am now lying on the couch thinking about unconditional love as a fly sits perched on my jeans.
11/17/02 So sad about Elena. Talked to my Dad about it. Sad that she died around his birthday. I ask him what was his favorite birthday present when he was young. He cannot think of one. I remind him of getting his bike. “Oh yeah” “My two wheeler-that was my favorite.” Neither of us seemed surprised that I knew this even though I wasn’t born yet.
11/18/02 Chakra yoga tonight-cannot wait. (The Chakra class had chanting Lum, Lum, Lum moving from position to position with kapalabatti breath. Didn’t feel like it was anything more than a stretch class. Should I lend Penny my chakra book for the next class on the 2nd chakras?)
11/20/02 I went to Tom’s class. Requested “hard” One fellow student said she may leave if “hard and bondage” Another suggests “bondage a good idea” I was in a show off kind of mood and did handstands, headstands and wheels. Mary, Dona and “serene” Rachel looked on. Six minutes of meditation today.
11/26/02 I am teaching at LOA tonight.
12/16/02 Talked to my sister in law. She is so patient with her grief. She is working hard to make it through. Am impressed with her strength and her depth.
1/22/03 Made it through the holidays barely. Time to do some karmic yoga to give back. I have committed to volunteering at the local soup kitchen on Fridays.
1/29/03 Liam has been horrible lately. Maybe because we are leaving him home when we go on the cruise.
2/2 The Yoga Cruise. Celebrating our 20th Anniversary
Standing outside getting ready to board Costa’s Atlantic ship. People milling about with with yoga mats proudly displayed on their shoulders. Bill tucked ours safely in our bags. He seems excited. We are with Carla and Nikki from LA, Angela from Boston and Nicole from Idaho. Have a big cold sore but otherwise everything is wonderful. The room is spacious and nice. I lost $30 on blackjack. Todd Norian’s band Shakti Fusion lead us in chanting this afternoon.
Day 2 Resting in bed before the 845p dinner bell. Trying to be more mindful. This am Sean Corne’s class vinyasa flow called “women empowered” Stumbled on Rodney Yee’s class this afternoon by accident trying to find Beryl Bender Birch’s (BBB) class. New achievement for me today Marichasana C (one side) and crane to headstand back to crane. Also was able to straddle to headstand. It is neat to see “famous” yogis here. Baron Baptiste with his kids. Beryl Bender Birch is smaller than she looks in her books and has a belly. Tom was right, she looks older in person. My cold sore is still hurting and I feel unbalanced. Too much raja, food, stimuli, drinks and excitement. Am trying to calm self but it’s difficult.
Day 3 Had Shiva Rea’s class this am with Bill. Amazed by the teachers and their lack of posturing. Nicole is the most alternative in the group. She was telling us about this “lemonade” cleanse that she does every so often. I wrote it down and am going to give it a try when I get home.
Day 4 Yesterday we were at sea all day. Had Beryl Bender class we listened to her talk about how before class she meditated just looking out at the birds. She also talked about her acceptance that there is no almond milk on the cruise. (When I get home will have to check out Almond Milk.) Charles and Lisa Matkins taught us partner work, which was intense and stressful. Could have caused a divorce. I felt disconnected during the process. Bill became upset and angry afterwards.
Day 5 We went to the waterfalls today and it was beautiful and fun. Nikki loves to go to classes by a teacher named John Friend. This is what she teaches in CA, a practice called Anusara. The Kundalini teacher, Gurmok goes to her classes apparently. With Anusara there is a demo person in each class that stands in the front of the room. She was showing me some of the “loops” and heart opening techniques on the deck during our ‘free time’. It looks like a neat practice but right now not what I am into.
Day 6 Cayman Island where Bill bought me the most beautiful anniversary ring. I love it. Bill, Carla and Nikki sang “Love Shack” last night and had fun. Yesterday we pet the sting Ray. Playful creatures. Tomorrow is our last day. Yogis on the ship are incredibly nice, friendly and beautiful.
Quote by Jason Crandell “The harder you have to work the more you have to balance it with Surrender.” Lisa Matkins “In-to-me-you-c” (Intimacy)
2/22/03 Thinking about the contradictions in the sutras. Embracing them at the same time frustrated by them and their insurmountable depth. In speaking with my mom today I told her that we need America to become more of an isolation state. She said, Yeah, you always hate the benefactor who wags his ass in your face
2/24/03 Erika let me go today from Mandala of Movement. She is losing money on her business. I told her I understand and do maybe she and I both need to be students rather than teachers for awhile?
2/25/03 Starting to learn about 8 limbs of Astanga, yoga sutras which include the yama. Self restraint. Not easy for me to pronounce let alone learn. Well I have at least a lifetime…
3/23/03 BBB divorced her husband. Life is busy. I am teaching 12 yoga class next week. Rachel’s birthday. Looking forward to partying with the Wednesday group. “To know the depth and breath of goodness you need to first delve into the knowledge of sordid darkness.”
3/26/03 Dona got annoyed with me at yoga. Bill thinks b/c I was showing off in front of Tom doing yoga. I was just having fun playing in the wide open space!
4/23/03 It is not just about the Asanas. I need to meditate more lately. Dona, Rachel, Tom and I hung out and had cake and beer. Telling our stories and bonding.
4/27/03 Surprise party at Chris’s last night. Had fun and was out partying until after midnight. Liam and I went to church today. Visiting Ken and Cindy’s in NJ soon. Thinking about the kitchen fire and how devastating it was…
5/6/03 Big fight with Bill. Running a 5k in a few weeks.
5/13/03 Sad to hear that Penny is moving to Myrtle Beach. Think I knew her in another life. She thinks so too. Race and Reiki 1 this weekend. Came in 3rd place so did Judy Leslie. Time 26.11 one minute better than 5 years ago. Weezing heavily at first but re-worked my breath and calmed self down. It was a challenge. Atman was my mantra. Atman---God, God, Atman. After race went to Reiki One training. Loved it. Most fun and interesting training I have been to. Was intuitive and able to pick up stuff on my first participant in her left hip. Bad area for her. I can’t wait to learn more and do some Reiki on my family and friends. Feel like I have already been doing this for a long time. Going out with Erika tonight. Katie is working and Liam and Bill are at a campout. (Elena we love you. Think of you sometimes. You are in my heart.)
5/30/03 Have been practicing some Reiki on family and also Ginny a nurse that I volunteer with at Manna, the soup kitchen. Profound experience with Ginny. Flashes of bright lights. She became very hot. Felt like she was going to faint. Dreams nothing special some about houses-one a drowning in a car-Bill, Liam and I went off the road in a rain storm. (Premonitory dream? In 2015 Liam called us in a panic. He and his girlfriend were in a terrible storm/flash flood in which their car was filling up with water. They needed to pull off the road and make a quick exit. The call went dead before we knew that they were ok. )
7/1/03 Katie’s back in college to be an orientation leader. Her friend Stacy visited this summer and I did Reiki on her and said her life would be less busy and more settled than Katie’s someday. She said I seem happier (in Philly) than I was when we lived in Chicago. Dreaming of snakes lately…poisonous ones.
7/30/03 Penny’s goodbye party. Kim did Reiki on me and Bill was jealous. Eventually would like to go vegetarian, cut down on sugar, alcohol , eat less and be lighter…
8/4/03 Fasting. Don’t like the vegetable juices. I have a HA. Bill is starting to really like yoga too. (I have done scorpion pose without the wall a few times.)
8/8/03 At Phoenix Rising training. My roommate Tobey and I have a lot in common. We joke that we are twins. The third day of the training was intense. Had my own release. Cried, sobbed and laughed. Karin from London told me to set an intention. …
2/3/04 Hard class trying to figure out why I don’t like locust pose. What comes up is pride, suffocation and mild fear, maybe irritation too!
8/31/04 Liam is hanging out at our pool with Liz’s son. In 10 years I will read this and say oh yeah-Liz-I remember her. I will be long gone from here.
6/10/05 Iris, Jack’s new girlfriend tells me my life as it is will change, be different, not bad. I commented that I see bad coming. Yes, just different. How though I think?
6/30/05 At some point you have to go back and finish what you started. Maybe it is 5 years old or maybe it preceded birth but you have to take off the layers and go back to your essence. Maybe that is what mid life is all about?
8/6/05 Originally was going to Stuart’s class but left when I saw that Kilkenny was teaching. Not very yoga-ish of me.
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